Compulsive non-stop talkers drive me crazy!

[Villages PL]

Post deleted.

[LynnDeb]

Did you ever tell him how you really feel?? Let him know you're not friends?

[Barefoot]

I'm in a room with one now. I told him I'm trying to concentrate. "Oh", he said, "can't you concentrate and listen at the same time?" "No", I said, "not really. Sometimes when I'm on the computer I need to concentrate." So then he starts talking out loud to himself, which is just as bad. He kept doing that and trying to engage me in conversation. Now I realize it's just compulsive with some people.

Do I ever want to talk to him? No, not really, (the things he wants to talk about are of no interest to me) but he thinks we are friends. Did you ever meet someone who starts talking to you non-stop and then because you are polite enough to listen, they think you're a friend?

Ummmm ... if he is not your friend, and you have no interest in talking to him, then why is he at your house? Or are you in an Internet Cafe?

[PammyJ]

This makes me sad. You did not give enough info on who and why you are with this person who annoys you so.
There are some people for various reasons that don't have appropriate social skills.

[2BNTV]

Some people are not self concious of what effect they have on people.

I have a friend that makes conversation difficult because he can't reign his mind in to stay on the subject. He also speaks sooooooo fast it is difficult to comprehend what he is saying but then again, maybe it's my hearing. :smiley:

If he is a true friend, you can politly tell him your concerns.

[Villages PL]

Did you ever tell him how you really feel?? Let him know you're not friends?

Well, he thinks he's being nice and I think he's trying to be nice, so I don't want to hurt his feelings. Although, I came very close to telling him that I'm not interested in talking. I thought by now he would get the hint but he doesn't even pay attention when I tell him I'm trying to concentrate.

[Villages PL]

Ummmm ... if he is not your friend, and you have no interest in talking to him, then why is he at your house? Or are you in an Internet Cafe?

He's not in my house.

[Villages PL]

This makes me sad. You did not give enough info on who and why you are with this person who annoys you so.
There are some people for various reasons that don't have appropriate social skills.

Well, it's a long story: (story deleted)

[missypie]

I understand. Grandchildren are a big topic. I have one myself. You have to excuse yourself and leave. I know your grandchild is brilliant beyond words and is in all the right classes, but Although I am happy for you, I really have no interest unless I know you personally.

[Happinow]

I find it odd that he shows up where you are as often as he does. Be careful, he may be just lonely or he could be stalking you

[LynnDeb]

It sounds to me he's lonely looking for a friend. Since you're not interested, don't allow him in your house, tell him your busy.

[sueandskip]

I would end it at once....This doesn't feel right to me.....Simply tell them to leave you alone or you will have the police take care of it....

[cookie4re]

Sound like someone i know motormouth. I just listen i dont engage because i will be overpowered. Lol

[jblum315]

I have a "friend" who constantly talks to me about people I don't know and don't expect to meet - how brilliant they are, how brilliant their children are, how ill their husbands are, who died in their family, on and on and on. I can't be rude and say "I don't care" and I can't just walk away. I could scream but that doesn't seem appropriate. Yechh.

[graciegirl]

I would end it at once....This doesn't feel right to me.....Simply tell them to leave you alone or you will have the police take care of it....

I had never thought about calling the police on my friends who are motormouths.

I will have to think about that.

[Taltarzac725]

Well, it's a long story. He knew me but I didn't know him. He saw me in the library one day and waited for closing time. When I came out he started talking out loud as I passed him. I turned to see if he was talking to me and there was no one else around. So I figured he was talking to me. I went over to see what it was he was talking about and he was just commenting on an ad he saw in the paper. We talked for a while and eventually he said he knew my neighbor. The point of all of this is that he wanted a ride home.

So, you know, this being America's friendliest hometown, I gave him a ride. And that's how it all started. Then he kept showing up whenever he needed a ride. After the second time I told him I couldn't give him anymore rides. But that doesn't stop him from showing up. And he just starts talking as though I don't have anything better to do than listen to him.

From your handle and this I assume you work at a library and have a lonely library user. I had a stalker Gail P. while I was on the reference desk at the University of Minnesota Law Library in 1989-1990. I helped her whenever she had questions but that's all. She would sit and stare at me for hours. There was nothing that the Library Administration could do even though she had previously to me chained herself to a U of Minnesota professor's desk because she was in love with him. Doubt if he even knew her all that well. She followed my girlfriend Jennifer V. home one night after I had returned to the SF Bay Area for the 1989 Christmas break leaving my live-in girlfriend to her work and other stuff. Still there was not much the University would or could do. Gail did not lose interest in me until Jennifer V. left for her clerking for an Iowa judge after graduating in 1990 from the U of Minnesota Law School. Then I assume Gail went to the next victim of her obsessions. She seemed to like the attention and the ability to cause a ruckus within the University of Minnesota. We, of course, and the Law Library staff documented everything as much as possible and my girlfriend even gave the Law Library Director at that time, M. Kathleen Price, quite a piece of her mind about Gail P. and her antics especially after Gail P. followed her home. That really scared my girlfriend Jenny quite a bit.

If this man is just a lonely library user it does not sound like there is much you can do. Maybe tell him you have to go somewhere else rather than home so you do not have to offer him a ride. To a boyfriend's house for instance. To a Red Hat meeting. If he is more of a stalker like Gail the law seems to offer quite a bit more in protection than when Jennifer and I went through in 1989-1990 in our ordeal with Gail P. Just tell him you have errands to run or whatever if he persists with unwanted attention then you probably could get a work place restraining order. Document everything with time date and what he did if he is a serious problem like Gail P.

I will bet that some of the Florida libraries have had problem patrons which the library staff have had to get work place restraining orders against for some reason or another. Not sure if talking too much would qualify though. He just sounds like a lonely man.

If you are just a library patron like this lonely man, then I would just alert the library staff about him if he is a real problem for you. He just sounds like a lonely man.

This might be of help-- http://www.uflib.ufl.edu/ps/Circ/circman/difficultpatrons.html

[Tweety Bird]

I understand. Grandchildren are a big topic. I have one myself. You have to excuse yourself and leave. I know your grandchild is brilliant beyond words and is in all the right classes, but Although I am happy for you, I really have no interest unless I know you personally.

Yes, I agree. I don't want to know about your grandchildren, unless it's short and sweet and perhaps they are in some major performance. And, I agree with you missy pie, if I know you, the. Go ahead and chat away. There is then a connection.

[NotGolfer]

Maybe he has Asberger's, a form of autism. Folks with this don't have the social cues that most of the rest of us do. OR maybe he has a form of dementia. There could be many reasons for this behavior that make him seem strange. I think perhaps you need to make some firm bounderies from now on.

[Tweety Bird]

I had never thought about calling the police on my friends who are motormouths.

I will have to think about that.

Social skills are so important. As in, perhaps, take turns exchanging chat? The other day I was going into a club waiting outside. She just went on and on. I got up from my chair and said I needed to stretch!

[graciegirl]

How about non-stop posters they drive me crazy --- Quality not Quantity

I have two friends who do not take turns. They fail to get the clues that others send out. I know that speech therapists recognize this as a problem for some and work with people to correct it. It probably falls into some unknown category of skills or lack of them like reading faces and body language. Our Helene is very good at both but had trouble academically. She can TELL how you are feeling about things by looking at your face and demeanor. A gift some have and some don't.

Sometimes when I get a call from one of these two friends, I put it on speaker phone and do the dusting.

We all have our problems. Sweetie has me.




OH. You meant me, didn't you Nitehawk?

[DougB]

Well, it's a long story. He knew me but I didn't know him. He saw me in the library one day and waited for closing time. When I came out he started talking out loud as I passed him. I turned to see if he was talking to me and there was no one else around. So I figured he was talking to me. I went over to see what it was he was talking about and he was just commenting on an ad he saw in the paper. We talked for a while and eventually he said he knew my neighbor. The point of all of this is that he wanted a ride home.

So, you know, this being America's friendliest hometown, I gave him a ride. And that's how it all started. Then he kept showing up whenever he needed a ride. After the second time I told him I couldn't give him anymore rides. But that doesn't stop him from showing up. And he just starts talking as though I don't have anything better to do than listen to him.

And they call it puuuppyyy looooovve!

[PammyJ]

Maybe he has Asberger's, a form of autism. Folks with this don't have the social cues that most of the rest of us do. OR maybe he has a form of dementia. There could be many reasons for this behavior that make him seem strange. I think perhaps you need to make some firm bounderies from now on.

I agree! My heart breaks for these people. They have the need to have friends just like we do, but have difficulty doing so because of their lack of social skills. Sometimes it takes a lot of patience to listen to them. I agree with the boundaries being set. This is such a hard call on what to do. I hope you find the solution that you are comfortable with.

[2BNTV]

Personally, I would be firm with this person and ask that he leave you alone, to give you space and the freedom to do what you want. If he doesn't listen, I would get a restraining order of protection unless he is just a lonely person and harmless.

Everyone should have the freedom to do what they want, with whom they want and whenever they want at this stage of our lives. Anything less is infridgement of your happiness.

[TheVillageChicken]

OP, I am a little confused, which is an improvement over most days. Are you saying that you are OK with sharing time and space with this person but you just want them to quit talking so much or do you want them out of your life completely?

[tucson]

Well, it's a long story. He knew me but I didn't know him. He saw me in the library one day and waited for closing time. When I came out he started talking out loud as I passed him. I turned to see if he was talking to me and there was no one else around. So I figured he was talking to me. I went over to see what it was he was talking about and he was just commenting on an ad he saw in the paper. We talked for a while and eventually he said he knew my neighbor. The point of all of this is that he wanted a ride home.

So, you know, this being America's friendliest hometown, I gave him a ride. And that's how it all started. Then he kept showing up whenever he needed a ride. After the second time I told him I couldn't give him anymore rides. But that doesn't stop him from showing up. And he just starts talking as though I don't have anything better to do than listen to him.

What would bother me more than his constant talking is the fact that he "waited until the library closed and then as you came out he started talking out loud to get your attention w/the motive that he wanted to have you give him a ride in your car. RED FLAG......

[Villages PL]

Post deleted.

[Taltarzac725]

Kinds of Restraining Orders | LegalMatch Law Library (http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/kinds-of-restraining-orders.html)

I really doubt if this is anything but a man who likes to talk and is looking for someone just to listen. I have had that happen a lot at various places here in the Villages especially. If it is more then I would definitely get the library involved as much as possible. Above is a link to kinds of restraining orders if it comes to that.

If criminal plotting or any kinds of actions are occurring on library property I would certainly inform them about your suspicions. They could be held liable if they knew about it or should have known about it.

[Villages PL]

From your handle and this I assume you work at a library and have a lonely library user. I had a stalker Gail P. while I was on the reference desk at the University of Minnesota Law Library in 1989-1990. I helped her whenever she had questions but that's all. She would sit and stare at me for hours. There was nothing that the Library Administration could do even though she had previously to me chained herself to a U of Minnesota professor's desk because she was in love with him. Doubt if he even knew her all that well. She followed my girlfriend Jennifer V. home one night after I had returned to the SF Bay Area for the 1989 Christmas break leaving my live-in girlfriend to her work and other stuff. Still there was not much the University would or could do. Gail did not lose interest in me until Jennifer V. left for her clerking for an Iowa judge after graduating in 1990 from the U of Minnesota Law School. Then I assume Gail went to the next victim of her obsessions. She seemed to like the attention and the ability to cause a ruckus within the University of Minnesota. We, of course, and the Law Library staff documented everything as much as possible and my girlfriend even gave the Law Library Director at that time, M. Kathleen Price, quite a piece of her mind about Gail P. and her antics especially after Gail P. followed her home. That really scared my girlfriend Jenny quite a bit.

If this man is just a lonely library user it does not sound like there is much you can do. Maybe tell him you have to go somewhere else rather than home so you do not have to offer him a ride. To a boyfriend's house for instance. To a Red Hat meeting. If he is more of a stalker like Gail the law seems to offer quite a bit more in protection than when Jennifer and I went through in 1989-1990 in our ordeal with Gail P. Just tell him you have errands to run or whatever if he persists with unwanted attention then you probably could get a work place restraining order. Document everything with time date and what he did if he is a serious problem like Gail P.

I will bet that some of the Florida libraries have had problem patrons which the library staff have had to get work place restraining orders against for some reason or another. Not sure if talking too much would qualify though. He just sounds like a lonely man.

If you are just a library patron like this lonely man, then I would just alert the library staff about him if he is a real problem for you. He just sounds like a lonely man.

This might be of help-- Circulation Manual: Dealing with Difficult Patrons and Disruptive Behavior (http://www.uflib.ufl.edu/ps/Circ/circman/difficultpatrons.html)

I'm just an occasional library user but that doesn't help me much.

[rubicon]

Villages PL depending on what desired outcome you seek there are a number of options for you. No interest in this person tell him so as tactfully as you can. don't mind this person except for his obsessive talking tell him so and set some boundaries. Curious about why he is an obsessive talker ask him why tactfully. Finally if you just want to ignore him then avoid the places he frequents. All this speculation bout who is he and what motivates his action is well specualtion

[Patty55]

The person who made that suggestion (sueandskip) is very perceptive and not far from the truth. At one point, based on what this person was saying, I suspected a connection to "organized crime". He brings up a certain subject every time he comes around. Let's just say it's very unsavory but I hesitate to give too many details as someone is likely to recognize who I'm talking about. Then they might tell him and he might decide to retaliate. My neighbor, who he says is his friend (just like he claims me as his friend), had damage done to his house last year.

So, yes, I did talk to someone because I wanted it to be on record just in case something bad happens to me. You know how people always say that someone should have said something when people go off and do something? They want to know why no one ever spoke up. Of course I was told that nothing could be done until something happens. Maybe my suspicions are dead wrong but I think he is trying to sell something and it isn't drugs. He has already told me a story about a police officer accusing him of it. I may have said too much already. Enough said.

From my experience, people with real ties to organized crime don't blab about it to casual "friends". Jerky guys trying to impress a girl will allude to being connected.

Maybe he likes you or maybe he's just a bit loopy.

[Villages PL]

And they call it puuuppyyy looooovve!

Very funny, but, no, one thing I'm sure of is that it's not puppy love. We are both the same gender and he has not expressed any interest in me in the way you might be thinking. But there's nothing wrong with a little comic relief to ease the tension. ;)

[Villages PL]

I agree! My heart breaks for these people. They have the need to have friends just like we do, but have difficulty doing so because of their lack of social skills. Sometimes it takes a lot of patience to listen to them. I agree with the boundaries being set. This is such a hard call on what to do. I hope you find the solution that you are comfortable with.

Thanks. I know what you mean. It could be a form of Asberger's.

I'm not unsympathetic to whatever the problem is but I just don't think I can deal with it. So I plan on trying to keep a safe distance.

[shcisamax]

Sometimes when I get a call from one of these two friends, I put it on speaker phone and do the dusting.




You are so resourceful and optimize every situation!

[Taltarzac725]

Thanks. I know what you mean. It could be a form of Asberger's. He told me that he has a high IQ and that he was a supervisor for a large corporation, the name of which anyone would recognize.

I'm not unsympathetic to whatever the problem is but I just don't think I can deal with it. So I plan on trying to keep a safe distance.

Sounds like a good idea. He just sounds like a man who likes to talk but no reason to take risks if there is something that you find off about the guy. I wish I had listened to my gut instinct for various choices of friends I have made over the years.

[redwitch]

I'm an Aspie and a motormouth. As much as I try, I don't get the clues to shut up. My friends know to just tell me that's enough. Doesn't hurt my feelings and if I'm really interested in what I'm saying, I'll still keep on yammering away. Couldn't stop myself even if I tried. That being said, there is no way I would wait for someone and ask for a ride home.

There are some serious red flags here: The laying in wait, the coming to your home, the veiled comments about his past life. Those are not Aspie traits. We're not that subtle. Not sure what you can do about it at this point. You can't get a restraining order just because someone annoys you. It sounds like you're afraid of what he might do if you tell him to leave you alone, so, until he truly does something, you're between the proverbial rock and hard spot. Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll find someone new bother soon. My sympathies.

BTW -- Most Aspies are not all that verbal, just some of us are. Social clues, especially facial, don't exist to us -- we just can't read when we're irritating someone no matter how much we try. Foot in mouth is very common and there are few verbal inhibitions. Boundaries are not in our mindset. And, no, we don't particularly care if what we say is interesting to you, it is to us and that's enough. (Sorry)

[casita37]

It may not be Asberger's, but it sounds like some sort of illness to me. I am assuming here that the OP and the other gentleman both live in The Villages. Is that right? Do you know where he lives? Does he live alone, or is there a wife, or someone else, whom you could enlist to help? His wife is probably delighted to have him bothering you instead of her, but most likely would step in and try to control him a bit. Otherwise, you may need to let tactfulness out the window and just get "in his face" and tell him to leave you alone. I've had to do that twice in my life.....it worked!!

Good luck, and I hope it's not really something to be worried about, as far as danger....I doubt it, but who knows?

[Easyrider]

Really wondering if this is a real situation?

Most any of us might fit into this annoying persons shoes at one time or the other. Sometimes those that like to talk the most are the same ones most annoyed by others that want to talk a lot.. :024:

[CFrance]

I have two friends who do not take turns. They fail to get the clues that others send out. I know that speech therapists recognize this as a problem for some and work with people to correct it. It probably falls into some unknown category of skills or lack of them like reading faces and body language. Our Helene is very good at both but had trouble academically. She can TELL how you are feeling about things by looking at your face and demeanor. A gift some have and some don't.

Sometimes when I get a call from one of these two friends, I put it on speaker phone and do the dusting.

We all have our problems. Sweetie has me.




OH. You meant me, didn't you Nitehawk?

Ha ha! Sometimes when my dear MIL would call, we would hold the receiver upside down and shake it, so as to get all her words out of it early. Or poke the Siamese cat, who was very vocal and sounded like the baby. Now sometimes when my SIL calls, whoever didn't answer the phone will sometimes leave the room so as not to have the phone handed over to him/her. This is not fair and we love these people, but sometimes the conversation just doesn't end.

It sounds like you have to be very direct with this person, VPL. Let him know you wish to be left alone. It's not rude if he is invading your space and not respecting normal courtesy rules.

[Parker]

It wouldn't hurt to visit the police station and ask their opinion of how to handle potentially harmful people. Perhaps this guy is dangerous, perhaps just very annoying, but how can you know which category he falls into? The hackles on the back of your neck are there for a reason.

[graciegirl]

I think maybe reading a book on etiquette may be more helpful.

No one likes to lie but most of us do commit a few social fibs, side steps and excuses.

Here are some suggestions;

I would love to but I have an appointment.

I was just leaving, I am sorry we can't visit right now.

I can't invite you in, my girlfriend hasn't left and she is shy and she can't find her shoes. We just got her underwear off the chandelier.

I was just going to the market.

I have other plans.

The toilet is clogged and we have a mess, perhaps another time?

I am so sorry but the (choose the opposite political party from his) group are meeting here in a few minutes and I have to run and get candles.

HOWEVER, if your friend is like mine, waiting for them to draw breath so you can actually SAY any of these things may be difficult.

[bfdretired]

i agree.......may not be his fault.......cant help himself

[murray607]

I think maybe reading a book on etiquette may be more helpful.

No one likes to lie but most of us do commit a few social fibs, side steps and excuses.

Here are some suggestions;

I would love to but I have an appointment.

I was just leaving, I am sorry we can't visit right now.

I can't invite you in, my girlfriend hasn't left and she is shy and she can't find her shoes. We just got her underwear off the chandelier.

I was just going to the market.

I have other plans.

The toilet is clogged and we have a mess, perhaps another time?

I am so sorry but the (choose the opposite political party from his) group are meeting here in a few minutes and I have to run and get candles.

HOWEVER, if your friend is like mine, waiting for them to draw breath so you can actually SAY any of these things may be difficult.

I think that some people just do not take the hints and subtleties we give them. They somehow take the pleasant suggestions as affirmations that there is a relationship.

In these cases we just have to be downright blunt in our responses.

I have had to the "sorry, but I really am not interested in playing golf with you" a couple of times to a loud mouthed individual, who used every profanity in the book while on the golf course. Not that I am by any means a saint, but I do set personal standards and the limits as to what I will tolerate from others. Sorry, but I don't play by their rules.

[rubicon]

There certainly are some imaginative posters here and even though no one knows who this person is the OP has unwittingly subjected this poor guy to unwanted and unwelcome and perhaps unfair scrutiny.

[Villages PL]

OP, I am a little confused, which is an improvement over most days. Are you saying that you are OK with sharing time and space with this person but you just want them to quit talking so much or do you want them out of your life completely?

Good question! No, talking less would not be enough because of certain things he says. It's also the content of his character that bothers me.

[Villages PL]

From my experience, people with real ties to organized crime don't blab about it to casual "friends". Jerky guys trying to impress a girl will allude to being connected.

Maybe he likes you or maybe he's just a bit loopy.

You are correct; there wasn't any blabbing about it. How about loopy and connected?

[Villages PL]

Thanks to everyone for your replies. I'm restraining myself from answering too many posts because I'm afraid I'll get carried away and say too much. I even went back and deleted as much as I could. I deleted the opening post. But when people hit the quote button to quote me, I can't delete that.

Perhaps the untold part of this story can be completed in another thread at some later time. It could be helpful to me and perhaps helpful to others who might otherwise get caught up in the same situation.